Teenagers in the Grand Duchy have announced that the COVID-19 pandemic is over, that social distancing is no longer needed, and that they may go back to enthusiastically sharing saliva with each other. “We won,” said a 14-year-old lycée student named Tim. “Finally, I can go back to play-fighting my friends to impress girls and […]
Smart: these parents alternate their mental breakdown days
DIEKIRCH — A couple who struggled to balance working at home, taking care of the household, and totally losing their shit have found a solution: alternating their mental breakdown days. The parents of three children aged six, nine, and 11 say that at the start of the lockdown in mid-March, they began slipping into bouts […]
‘You can thank us with booze,’ say Luxembourg nurses
The thousands of nurses in Luxembourg who are now regarded as heroes say that while they appreciate the kind words from strangers and baskets of fruit, what they’d really like is some booze. “The thank-you card those kids gave me was very touching,” said Silvie, a 29-year-old nurse who works at the CHL. “But what […]
Grandma spends entire Zoom meeting on mute again
For the fifth time in a row, a grandmother from Contern has spent the entirety of a weekly family Zoom meeting on mute. On Wednesday evening, Marianne Dolper, 80, joined the 93-minute session and listened while her two children and four grandchildren shared news, joked, and briefly argued about vaccinations. It was only halfway through […]
Pathetic: man still making jokes about Corona beer, toilet paper, hand sanitizer
BELVAL — A man whose humor is gravely out of sync with the world is still making jokes about Corona beer, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer, it has been revealed. The 27-year-old man’s girlfriend says she is victimized by his obsolete jokes at least once a day. On Sunday, she hurried to their bedroom after […]
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