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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

It couldn’t wait till Monday: fairy godmother appears and fixes Luxembourg woman’s grey roots

January 7, 2021

A Luxembourg woman who fell into a pit of despair after closely examining her grey roots was miraculously saved when her fairy godmother appeared with a hair dye kit.  The woman, a 29-year-old resident of Ettelbruck, has been carefully counting the days until hair salons are allowed to reopen next week. However, she had an […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Leisure and Lifestyle

The current measures are too strict … I mean, we need stricter measures 

January 5, 2021

Luxembourg measures are too strict and too lenient

I’ve honestly had it up to here with the government. One day we’re the Greater Region’s shining model of sensibility and balance in regards to Covid measures, and the next day Mr. Bettel and his minions slap us with a curfew of 11, and a day later they drop the curfew to nine o’clock. What […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Opinion, Politics and Government

Government announces plan to announce plan before announcing plan

January 5, 2021

Breaking New Luxembourg Wurst

On Monday, Prime Minister Xavier Bettel and several ministers announced a plan to announce a plan before announcing a plan.  “We’re going to say something on Tuesday, and we want to tell you, the public, we are going to say it before we say it,” said a government spokesperson. “That way, you’ll know you’re going […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Politics and Government

New gun capable of vaccinating 500 people per minute

January 4, 2021

Vaccination gun the vaccinator

Citing the need to reopen society as soon as possible before we all lose our minds, an engineer from Luxembourg has developed a vaccination gun capable of delivering 500 shots per minute.  “I read that it might take months to get most of Luxembourg vaccinated,” said Jean Wayne, creator of the Vaccinator 2400. “That’s not […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Health, Science and Technology

Luxembourg woman caught buying 350 ml of hair conditioner

December 28, 2020

Non-essential Luxembourg

A Luxembourg resident was caught red-handed on Monday after she bought 350 milliliters of hair conditioner from a supermarket in Bertrange. Police spokesperson Marco Trausch says the culprit sneaked into an aisle that is blocked off due to the government’s ban on the sale of non-essential goods, which includes everything from shampoo to underwear and […]

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Shopping

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The Idiot of St. Benedict – Order Now!

The Idiot of St. Benedict – Order Now!
Prices in Luxembourg City

New shop in center offers usual stuff but at ‘twice the price’ 

Cashier watching you enter PIN

Cashier turns away, attaches blindfold, puts bag over head while you enter PIN

Man thanks LinkedIn

No, please don’t: man thanks people who invite him to connect on LinkedIn

Drug dealer Luxembourgish

Well, it’s a start: Gare dealer offers drugs in Luxembourgish

St. Valentine beheaded

Ghost of beheaded St. Valentine wishes couple a romantic evening

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