Admitting that this summer’s weather has been a major bummer and that mood levels are at an all-time low, Luxembourg officials have announced the construction of an artificial sun. The sun, measuring 17.4 meters in diameter and powered by energy sourced from the Cattenom nuclear power plant, will be suspended high above Mersch, the geographical […]
‘I will ride wherever the f*ck I want,’ says electric scooter man
In response to speculation that he may not actually be permitted to ride here, a man on an electric scooter has announced he will ride wherever the fuck he wants. “The Scooter electrus is a brother of the street-legal Scooter motorus and a cousin of the Motorcycle vroomus, which means the streets belong to me,” […]
Property developer has condition in which all houses ‘look like six-unit apartment buildings’
A property developer based in Luxembourg City has admitted to a strange but increasingly common disorder: whenever he looks at a house, it appears to him as a six-unit apartment building. “Let’s say we’re walking down the street and you see a single-family residence worth, oh, 1.5 to two million euros,” he explained to a […]
Freakish human computer verifies prices at checkout
A Luxembourg shopper has been dubbed a “freak” and a “human computer” after being observed on Tuesday verifying the price of his purchases at a supermarket checkout. Even as stunned witnesses gasped, Carlos Marques, a customer at a Foetz supermarket, tried to justify his unusual behavior. “I thought everybody kept one eye on the cash […]
Bar owner also surprised anyone willing to pay 20 euros for a cocktail
The owner of a trendy bar in Luxembourg City has responded to an unprecedented complaint about the price of cocktails with, “Yeah, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Damien Bouze says that when he opened his bar three years ago, he had planned on charging fifteen euros for a cocktail, which he thought was already a lot. […]
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