Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Bettel to wear anti-slap scarf

Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf.  “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]

‘We’ll improve cycling infrastructure when you stop wearing those shorts,’ VDL tells cyclists

In response to complaints from cyclists that Luxembourg City does little to make getting around on a bicycle easy, officials have promised to build the world’s best cycling infrastructure – if cyclists agree to stop wearing those ridiculous shorts.  “You’ll get dedicated bikeways all around the city, protected lanes on every street, and a safety […]

Chatty banker cannot wait to talk over musicians once venues fully reopen 

Luxembourg’s live music scene has been hit hard by the pandemic and fans are chomping at the bit to get back into sweaty halls once more, perhaps none more than Chad Whispersnout. For Whispersnout, the music is a secondary concern, however. Indeed, for the brash American expat, concerts are merely a place where he can […]

Luxembourg to host world’s first competitive divorcing league

Insisting that it’s the perfect location considering its divorce rate is the highest in the world, Luxembourg has created the first competitive divorcing league. “Only Luxembourg residents will be allowed to compete, but there will be a special division for cross-border workers,” said league president Marc Hessen. “Despite their frequent contact with the Grand Duchy, […]

Top football clubs to form Awesome League instead

Agreeing that the idea of a Super League was terrible from the outset, the 12 football clubs involved in the plan have announced they will instead form an Awesome League.  “When we first told you about our intention, the backlash was fierce and instantaneous,” said Real Madrid president Florentino Pérez. “We admit our terrible mistake, […]