Desperate to return to the era when they could be socially distant among other people, hundreds of Luxembourg City residents are breaking the lockdown order to congregate in public spaces and totally ignore each other. The most popular meeting spots are large open areas such as forests and fields where dozens of people gather and, […]
Tinder user wants to know when he can go back to banging new chick every night
A Tinder user from Luxembourg City has confirmed that he hasn’t had a one-night stand since mid-March, and he’s calling on the government to let him know when he’ll be able start banging a new chick every night again. “It’s cool that Hornbach is open in case I need some bathroom tiles or a can […]
‘Get in our way and we’ll breathe in your face,’ Luxembourg joggers remind public
Luxembourg joggers have issued a reminder that if they approach you on the sidewalk and you don’t get out of their way, they’re going to breathe in your face, but only for a moment, and in any case you shouldn’t be alarmed. “I’m a fitness addict who hasn’t had a cold in six years, so […]
‘Beautiful day to spread coronavirus,’ says everyone outside today
Thousands of people in Luxembourg looked out the window this morning, saw the clear skies, and decided it was ideal weather to go outside and spread the coronavirus a little. “It would be a shame to spend the beautiful day inside, keeping our germs to ourselves,” said father Alarvo Encants, a resident of Luxembourg City. […]
US to give 26 billion hours of attention to starving celebrities
WASHINGTON — Calling the damage to the social hierarchy caused the the coronavirus lockdown a “crisis we can no longer ignore,” the U.S. agency in charge of disaster relief has announced it will be allocating 26 billion hours of emergency attention to starving American celebrities. “These people, members of our most fragile and neediest population, […]
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