Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Luxembourg agrees to make English official language ‘as long as we get to choose which English it is’

Facing yet more demands that English be adopted as the fourth official language of Luxembourg, the government has decided to agree on the condition that they choose which English it is.    “To the Brits, don’t think we’re going to adopt the Queen’s English just because the UK is, or was,  in Europe,” the government said […]

Schneider building clone army to serve on thousands of more boards 

Saying that one Etienne Schneider is not enough to fully capitalize on a political career, Etienne Schneider has confirmed he’s building a clone army of himself. “Every clone will be just like the original, with the same insider knowledge of government and industry,” said a spokesperson for Kamino, the Moscow-based company that’s overseeing production. “Like […]

Bettel to wear anti-slap scarf

Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf.  “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]

Government: you may now have up to five people in your home as long as one of them is a government spokesperson and you serve good snacks

A senior Luxembourg government spokesperson has given a press conference to clarify the rules about how many guests residents are allowed to have in their homes, saying that under certain circumstances the number can exceed four. “Technically, you may include a fifth person as long as that person is a government spokesperson and you serve […]