Following an incident in which a member of the public slapped the French president, Luxembourg’s prime minister will now wear a defensive anti-slap scarf. “This baby might look like an everyday neck adornment, but trust me, it’s fitted with the latest in anti-slapping technology,” said defensive scarf salesman Gus Burlee. “Prime Minister Xavier Bettel will […]
Government: you may now have up to five people in your home as long as one of them is a government spokesperson and you serve good snacks
A senior Luxembourg government spokesperson has given a press conference to clarify the rules about how many guests residents are allowed to have in their homes, saying that under certain circumstances the number can exceed four. “Technically, you may include a fifth person as long as that person is a government spokesperson and you serve […]
Government giving out 5 golden tickets to choose whichever vaccine you want
While most people in Luxembourg have to take the vaccine offered to them, a lucky five residents will get to choose the one they want. “Those who find a golden ticket hidden in an otherwise ordinary letter from the government will be able to pick the vaccine of their dreams,” said program director Gui Vonka. […]
‘When’s weed going to be legal?’ man demands, for a friend
A resident who finds it curious that the government promised years ago to legalize cannabis has demanded to know when they’re going to deliver. “Not for me, it’s for a friend who is eagerly waiting,” he said. “Not that I’m opposed to cannabis, of course, and people say it’s safer than alcohol, less detrimental to […]
‘Wait, no, we’re actually against free movement,’ confirms government
Following recent claims from the minister of foreign affairs that it’s wrong to limit free movement, the government has backtracked, now insisting it’s perfectly acceptable to limit free movement. “Jean Asselborn was just talking a rubbish when he said all that stuff in defence of free movement,” said a government source, referring to remarks Asselborn […]
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