SANDWEILER — A local nine-month-old has expressed a strong desire to know more about the visibly fatigued couple who remove her from the creche every night just before bedtime. “Usually it’s the woman who takes me, but occasionally it’s the man, and they never come at the same time,” the baby said through an interpreter. […]
Luxembourg officials: today cancelled
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Officials in the Grand Duchy have made an emergency declaration that effective immediately, today is cancelled. The main reason for the cancellation is a combination of bad weather and high levels of malaise, the danger of which increases tenfold when the combination occurs on this day of the week. “A rainy Tuesday contains […]
Half of Luxembourg population turn into slugs
In a sudden, nation-wide transformation that began earlier this week, at least half of Luxembourg’s some 600,000 human residents have transformed into slugs. “Just leave me alone, okay?” gurgled one slug named Serenella, who was spotted on Thursday slinking off to the Walferdange restaurant she manages. “At this pace, it’s going to take me forever […]
Bettel to take empty podium on 28-nation world tour
In a move that will delight his supporters, Luxembourg prime minister Xavier Bettel has announced he’s going on a 28-nation world tour, and joining him will be the very podium that earned him so much international attention earlier this week. The podium, 130 centimetres in height and made from locally sourced wood, catapulted Bettel to […]
Luxembourg mother forced to circle climate march 5 times before finding kid
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Emphasizing that her daughter specifically said she’d hang out at the edge of the Kinnekswiss park to be picked up following a climate march on Friday, a Luxembourg mother has been forced to circle the gathering for a fifth time. “Nadia promised she’d be there at 2:45 p.m.,” the mother said, glancing at […]
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