Saying “well, someone has to do it,” Luxembourg officials have announced they have finally decided on a source of funding for the plan to make all public transport in the country free by 2020: local unlucky bastard Pit Dommlinger. “At first we thought about raising taxes and using the revenue to pay for the […]
Luxembourg to legalize marriage between men and their cars
Saying that the state has no right to deny official recognition to men who are in committed relationships with motor-powered, four-wheeled vehicles, Luxembourg has legalized marriage between men and their cars. “The aim of this legislation is not to make some kind of political statement, but rather to recognize the fact that hundreds of thousands […]
EU employees lay flowers at site where thousands of unread reports are buried
KIRCHBERG — In commemoration of Europe Day in Luxembourg, a crowd of employees from European Union institutions gathered at a document burial site to pay respect to the millions of pages of official reports that, once printed, were never read. “It’s great that we have this day to celebrate European unity, but it’s important to […]
Luxembourg to import hundreds of anarchist street punks
Responding to complaints that the country is two shades too quiet, Luxembourg officials have announced a plan to import up to 500 anarchist street punks with the aim of shaking things up. The anarchists, all between the ages of 18 to 25, will mostly be recruited from neighboring countries, but some are being sourced from […]
Luxembourg invests €50 million to mine black hole
Proving that the country is keeping its eyes on the stars, Luxembourg has announced it has invested 50 million euros in a company that plans on mining a recently photographed black hole. “Some critics say we’re just throwing money into a giant hole, but that’s the point,” said Hubert Sternmann, spokesperson for the government’s Office […]
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