Following reports that Germany and other countries are restricting entries from Luxembourg due to a growing number of COVID-19 cases in the Grand Duchy, a mysterious new government official has announced that the number of cases of COVID-19 here is actually zero. The correction was delivered late Wednesday night at a press conference attended by […]
Luxembourg to install thousands of contactless auto-pay radars
In order to more quickly fill the nation’s depleted coffers and save drivers the trouble of having to make a bank transfer after getting a speeding ticket, dozens of radar units fixed with contactless payment terminals are being installed around Luxembourg. Thanks to new technology, the radar units will automatically deduct fines from the bank […]
Bettel to donate 200,001 of his scarves to help residents cover faces
Admitting that the paper face masks sent to all residents of the Grand Duchy might not last long, Prime Minister Xavier Bettel announced that he’s going to donate 200,001 scarves from his personal collection for residents to cover their mouths and noses. “Oosh voosh oon moosh loosh,” he said at a press conference on Wednesday, […]
Tinder user wants to know when he can go back to banging new chick every night
A Tinder user from Luxembourg City has confirmed that he hasn’t had a one-night stand since mid-March, and he’s calling on the government to let him know when he’ll be able start banging a new chick every night again. “It’s cool that Hornbach is open in case I need some bathroom tiles or a can […]
Luxembourg woman wants people to stop smoking where she can see them
A Luxembourg woman is leading a drive to ban smokers from lighting up in places where non-smokers can see them. Karen Bizibahdi, who moved to the Grand Duchy in December, says she was shocked when she first exited the airport and observed a group of people smoking cigarettes in broad daylight while police stood by […]
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