Following the departure of the United Kingdom from the European Union, the EU has announced that Irish English will replace British English as the union’s primary working language. The change, effective immediately, was announced on Monday by European Commission president Ursula Gertrud von der Leyen, who says the unity of the 27 remaining countries is […]
Grand Ducal Mint readies 50-cent Brexit coin
In response to news that the U.K. government is releasing new 50 pence coins featuring the slogan “Peace, prosperity and friendship with all nations,” Luxembourg officials have announced they too will release a celebratory Brexit coin. To be released on January 31, the day that Boris Johnson’s U.K. leaves the European Union, the collectible 50-cent […]
Small business owner has nightmare in which he’s forced to give everyone a raise
PETANGE — A brasserie owner woke up visibly shaken in the early hours of Tuesday after having what he described as “a terrible nightmare” in which he was forced to give everyone on his staff a salary increase of 2.5 percent. “No, no, I won’t do it,” the man shouted while burying his head under […]
Oops: malfunctioning indexation mechanism gives Luxembourg workers raise of 23,456 percent
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Saying “whoa, hey, somebody stop that thing,” Luxembourg government officials stood by helplessly as the mechanism that was developed to automate salary indexation malfunctioned, giving everyone a pay increase of 23,456 percent. The red-faced officials admitted that although the increase was enormous and would likely bankrupt every employer, there was nothing they could […]
‘Close all 12 streets that remain open,’ orders VDL official with maniacal laughter
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At a press conference on Wednesday to address the traffic crisis, the official who oversees transportation and roadworks in the city suddenly grew annoyed with criticism and, in a moment of madness, ordered the remaining 12 open streets to be closed. The official, going by the alias “Minister X,” at first attempted to […]
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